Thursday, 1 June 2017

I Hate Roller Coasters!

Call me a wimp or a sissy if you want... but I hate roller coasters. The up and down and all around patterns, mixed with herky jerky motions, the steeped climbs and inclines. You may love them and be excited that you can fit them comfortably now... but you can have them. 😊

This journey of weightloss and transformation can be a roller coaster at times. Your emotions spiking and dropping almost consecutively. Your thoughts running so fast that it seems like you'll never catch up to them. And then there's the changes in your body, how it operates and the weird noises that now come from your stomach.

There's the different way that people now glance at you for a second longer, some constantly congratulate you and others much closer to you seem clueless to what's actually happening.

It's weird to get so much attention, even if the pre-surgery you would have loved it and craved some form of affirmation, to only feel uncomfortable and unworthy of it.

The way the scale goes way down and yet your mind may still see the fat girl or fat dude in the mirror, can cause your stomach and emotions to do a loopty-loop.

This is certainly not a journey for the weak and though I feel like our medical teams could do a better job of preparing us for the new us, living in our new body and how our world may seem to change all around...there are some things that we can and maybe must do.

1. Be very patient with ourselves and with others. This is a brand new life for all of us and we all need to take some baby steps, even if they seem to be giant ones. We all have stuff to work through

2. Forgive a lot... forgive those who hurt you (even if it was decades ago, or if they're dead, etc...) and forgive yourself. No matter what they did or what you feel guilt or shame for you. I know it can be easier said than done. You'll feel better after you do. #truestory

3. Follow the Process (stay on track). I may hate roller coasters, but I can't avoid them. They are inevitable. I need to stay on track, because almost crashes happen when we get off track. Follow my eating plan, get my exercise and keep working on the things that help create a better me.

4. Don't ride alone. I'm not saying you can't be single/divorced or that you aren't going to be able to transform by yourself, but it's so much nicer to have a support team (especially if you hate roller coasters like I do) If you have someone who loves you wholeheartedly and unreservedly, keep them close (whether family, friend or lover). You'll enjoy the journey a lot more and may feel a little bit safer too.

5. Love yourself first... appreciate how strong you are to survive this journey with all of its twists and turns. Don't lose sight of the weight you've lost, because you're 20lbs short of goal. Settle that you are worth this, you can do it and you deserve this new life. You will survive.

I must admit that I still hate roller coasters, but it's likely that they are inevitable for each of us. So you might as well get in the car, make sure all your safety gear is fastened, find a good riding partner, and enjoy the journey!

I ❤ you all!

I Am Just Me... An Original Poem

Here is an original poem by me...

It will give you a little insight into what some folks around you are feeling... especially those on a journey of transformation.

Though the words are mine, the feelings are not all mine. They are those of the so many people I've come into contact with. The posts I've read and the discussions I've had. And of course some things that I've felt too... deep inside of me.


I  am just me...
With all my imperfections and flaws.
Some parts broken and shattered,
While others are covered with scars.

I am just me...
I don't always know what to say.
I may retreat under pressure,
I may cower and try to crawl away.

My anxiety so huge, my insecurities so strong,
My future so bleak, my past was so wrong.
My heart seems to be lifeless,
My mind covered by a dark cloud.
The voices in my head, they seem to speak to me in voices so loud.

I am just me
On this journey of transformation.
I've taken the non-easy way,
To my life restoration.

I am just me...
The weight is falling off me,
And though loose skin now abounds.
The smile on my face overshadows that old miserable frown.

I'm walking, running, and doing things that I thought I'd never do.
I'm loving and laughing the entire day through.
I wake up each day with hope and not simply despair,
My heart is so full of love and much care.

Things are not perfect, so don't get me wrong.
I'm still learning to love me and that process is long.
My body still gives me fits, my scale and I are at odds,
But I'm fighting the good fight, and food is no longer my god.

So I'm still just me,
But even if you don't like what you see.
Just give me a day, a week, a month...
Because I'm still becoming the best me I can be!!!

The Bariatric Superman

Friday, 5 May 2017

Reality Check

Sometimes we just need a reality check!

I just left one of the most eye opening 60 minute meetings that I've had in my entire life... and it was with my personal Life, Diet & Exercise coach.  😊

As we spoke about how I got to the place where I got to be over 430lbs and to date having lost over 100lbs, he was able to quickly pin point some things that will begin to help me optimize my transformation process and my weightloss. He also said that I was tackling this process in the right way (both physical and emotional)

I am pleased that much of the learning that has taken place over the last 8+ months (much of which came from reading, observing posts in the many bariatric groups I'm a part of, and through personal interactions with so many amazing people), has been rock solid. For that I'm ever grateful...

And yet there are little things that need to be addressed through continued self reflection, careful research and a true reality check. Things to do with health, nutrition and emotional well being.

Is this really a more healthy food option for me or just a different version of the same old emotional sedative that I've already been medicating with for so long? These types of questions challenge us to come FACE TO FACE with the old ME and help plot out a plan to the NEW or simply IMPROVED version of ourselves.

Don't trust the label... but seek the genuine... the real and organic (not simply referring to food), the things that lead to where I want to be!

I feel good! I feel hopeful! For each of us! ❤

Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned:

You learn a lot about yourself during this journey of transformation and weightloss.

You learn actually how weak you were before you started this journey. Almost powerless to overcome the food addiction that caused or commorbidies that resulted from morbid obesity.

And yet you also learn how strong you are! YOU made the tough decision to take this huge step. YOU followed the process everyday... even when you didn't want to or when others criticized your path. YOU dealt with the skeletons in your closet that have held you down for so long.

Learning who your true friends are and who truly loves you is a big part of your transformation as well. Not simply dumping those who disagree with you, but holding very close those people (old or new in your life) who are a huge contributor to you becoming the new and improved you.

I guess the key is to keep learning... #truestory

Saturday, 22 April 2017

No Label Required

Labels limit, segregate and separate us from others and from our potential. They distract, disturb and sometimes even destroy our feelings of self-worth or individuality.

Even us who are WLS patients can all of a sudden look at a before and after photo and use terms like "beautiful" or "you look amazing", which can in some ways validate the idea that fat is somehow ugly or disgusting.

We are all beautiful and amazing people and were before the surgery, even if we didn't feel like it or match up to the standards of others.

We must break out of the emotional fortress of safety that we built around us through an unhealthy relationship with food.

My friend told me that I was an Onion that hid the real me behind so many layers of emotional stuff. She wasn't labeling me for the reasons I mentioned above, but was challenging me to peel back those layers: to speak up for myself and realize my self worth, to quit being so passive aggressive and say what I think. That was new territory for me and very scary. But I started to do it, even when others pushed back or tried to attack me for me.

But that's what transformation is all about! Not simply conforming to society's image of what weight, body type or hair style I should have... but simply discovering the beautiful me and slowly and strategically letting him out for the world to see.

Thursday, 20 April 2017

Broken but NOT Destroyed!

Sometimes when things get so tough that you can't fight back anymore... When the hill you are climbing seems impossible to reach the crest of... When you are battered so much that you're actually now broken.

You wonder if you can make your way back or if this was the last straw. You feel destroyed!!!

You can't always see or even understand the worth of your life or the value of the time and energy that you invest into others. But you are making a difference, even if you are simply doing it one moment at a time. A smile, a touch, a joke or a prayer can all make a world of difference in someone's life.

Just because you were broken before, are broken now or may be broken some day soon... it does not mean you're destroyed! You can get up, dust yourself off and go after it. again. You are not a loser or destined to be one. You're made of better stuff than that. You  can overcome any obstacle that you face and do it like a champ.

In the process of transformation you will face many obstacles and they will test what you are made of. Stand up and be the best YOU that you can because someone needs you to be that TODAY! And stay close to individuals or groups that model this same behaviour.

Bariatric Superman

Thursday, 13 April 2017

Oh...No Kryptonite!!!

Oh...No Kryptonite!!!

Many of us have something in our life that seems to be lethal to us. Something that always seems to either stir us up to the point of feeling out of control, or drags down to the pit of despair where depression is king.

"Kryptonite represents "the limits", it's symbolic to the fact that no matter how strong you are there's always something that will break you. I think that's good morality. Taking that away would reduce Superman's stories to pointless tales of a guy who needs to fear nothing... not interesting at all."

Like Kryptonite to the 'Other Superman' ;-), it can come out of nowhere and render us defenseless and almost leave us for dead. Whether it is intense dear about what's coming tomorrow or if the past will finally catch up to you, or a certain person or situation that always seems to throw you off track.

To me it is the feeling of rejection. It sets me to the ground almost instantly. What did I do and when do I feel this way? Sometimes the feeling is completely irrational and has no root.

How do you deal with your Kryptonite?

1. Get far away from it and have no dealings with it. Don't give it the opportunity to mess with you again.

2. Figure out if it's real or not. If not, then let it go and don't stress over it.

3. When Superman felt weak, he would seek to get close to the sun and would become energized by it. Find people and things that lift you up and make your life brighter. Get out of the shadows.

Good luck in whatever you are facing today! You can do this... you are strong enough... you are worth it.

Bariatric Superman